This episode touched me the most. Perhaps it is because we get to delve deeper into KhetTawan’s past, learn about the man behind the actor, understand what makes him tick, and who he eventually became. It is a tale of abandonment, poverty, chasing one’s dream but once reaching it, only to find it meaningless, what it means to face disappointment and inevitably deception.
Beneath all of that wariness, coldness and skepticism lies a man who is afraid to let anyone in because he fears people would deceive him. Deception is such a strong, recurring theme in this lakorn because KhetTawan, time and time again, gets deceived by people he loved. His jaded outlook on life helps him build a wall around himself -as well as the few people he loves like Khun Akachai- and suspects bad intentions towards anyone who wants to get close, primarily, a reporter who can reveal all of the sordid details of his past.
But Mattana, the stubborn, glass half full girl has bulldozed herself into his life and he finds her in his care after she falls ill. Worse of all, she is a reporter. But slowly, despite their arguments and his mean treatment of her whenever her profession comes into discussion, the ice around his heart and the walls around his life is slowly melting and falling apart.
Mattana surmises that she is being watched like a defendant at his home, under surveillance 24 hours. He catches her inquiring about his past with Khun Ak one afternoon and tells her that she can ask him those questions herself. He likes to think that he doesn’t want Mattana smiling and being nice/fake to his best friend because he doesn’t want his best friend to fall prey to her wiles. Yet, his reaction shows jealousy as he demands to know what they had wagered.
She finally admits that if she won the game, Khun Ak would let her have one of Tawan’s branded dresses.
KhetTawan snickers, “you’re not suitable for Luang Tah Tawan’s brand dresses.”
“Of course not,” she angrily bites back, “I’m not pretty and don’t have a nice enough shape like your other models.”
“If you don’t want others to insult you, you should start by not insulting yourself, Mattana.”
Silly girl, you’re gorgeous.
Mattana tries to stand up from her seat on the couch and tells him that she’s going back to the hotel. And in order to stop her, he decides to pique her interest.
“I’ll answer your curiosity then- you wanted to know what goodness I possess for the Abbott and Khun Ak to be protective of me?”
“So you heard our talk?” she asks.
“From both ears,” he confirms.
She mistakes it for his willingness to be interviewed, “can I record your voice?”
“No- you are not interviewing me,” he says, “we’re just talking. And you cannot use what I tell you for your articles.”
“I understand..” she concedes. Talking is a good start. But Mattana begins to wonder when their “talk” can start, especially when he wouldn’t hand her back her cellphones etc.
The next day, Mattana’s condition is improving. KhetTawan tells her that he has something to show her- and it’s a wheelchair. It would allow her to go to different parts of the house. Mattana beams at him and tests out the wheelchair. He wheels her to the poolside deck.
“I was raised to do as I say. People who don’t keep their words have no honor or respect for themselves,” Mattana adamantly speaks. This is in response to KhetTawan’s curiosity as far as why she is so committed to writing about him. “If you can’t do as you say, you shouldn’t say it.”
“How can I trust you?” KhetTawan questions, “I don’t know you (for one) and you can tell me anything I want to hear.”
This angers her, they have been going back and forth and she was tired of her integrity constantly being in question.
“It’s not just me you don’t want to get to know,” she says, bitter. “You don’t want to get to know anyone. You block people out and measure them against the people in your past. In this lifetime, you’ll never get to know me or anyone else.” And she said sadly, “and two days later, you will only remember that you used to help a reporter and that’s all.”
Mattana tears up and wheels herself away, ready to resign herself on being disappointed in him.
“I’ll trust you one more time,” he tells her, stopping her in her track. “I’ll try to be more open so I can get to know you more.”
Music to her ears, Mattana turns her wheelchair around with a cautious smile.
“But I shouldn’t have to tell you that once you gain my trust, and you go back on your words, you will know what will happen to you,” he forewarns.
“So you’ll let me interview you?” she didn’t want to hope, believe. She is so excited when she saw him smiling that she gets up from her wheelchair. She wobbles and KhetTawan catches her around the waist, she takes the opportunity to hug him.
“I didn’t give you my word,” KhetTawan says.
“Can I have my voice recorder?”
KhetTawan just shakes his head with mirth.
At their spot by the pool, KhetTawan asks Mattana, “What do you want to interview me about?”
“About your life- how you got into the entertainment industry, how you became a business man and your charity work.”
“Does it require a long answer?”
“However you can answer it..” she says.
But this talk about interviews brought his dark side again, “Why don’t you be straight up about what you want to know? What you really want to know is my past, what my life was like leading up to my time on the silver screen.”
KhetTawan angrily gets up and struts to her wheelchair, looming over her.
“I don’t have a dad and my mom abandoned me at the temple and the last thing we know I may have killed a woman! Isn’t that what you reporters want to know so badly? You just want to know how bad I am right?!”
Mattana is cornered and a little terrified, “I can’t keep up with your moodswings.”
That reminder seems to calm him down. “I’m sorry.” He turns away.
“You used to teach me that if you don’t want others to insult you, you shouldn’t insult yourself,” she threw it back at him, “you shouldn’t teach me something that you fail to practice yourself.”
She peers at him, “you should be proud of yourself. You worked so hard to be where you’re at. We all can have a good life not solely because of our family name, but it comes from us,” she points at her chest.
He smiles at her, a breath of fresh air. She makes him see the good side of things. He breaks the intensity by teasing her and pushing her around the pool.
Back in her room, he walks her to bed. And it becomes serious again. “You speak like a leading girl in a trashy novel.”
“If I’m trashy then my whole family is trashy. I’ve been taught to be this way since I was little,” she replies.
He sits her down, “are you going to write what I say word for word?”
“You’ll really let me interview you?” she asks him back.
“It is up to you. Now answer me, will you write what I say, word for word?”
“No,” she replies, “I have to create the atmosphere, I will include other’s interviews (Khun Ak, the Abbott) so it will create a wholesome story.”
“That’s interesting,” he says. “Can I trust that you won’t flip my words?”
“You can trust me 100%!” she proclaims.
“I just don’t get it,” he settles on the couch, “what do you get out of writing my story? I’m a business man now, not a superstar.”
“Any news pertaining to you still sells,” she admits.
“You are straight forward. Ak is correct in that you wouldn’t know how to trick others.”
“Is that a compliment?” she asks him. “Please don’t forget my voice recorder. I don’t want to forget your words.” She beams at him, so ecstatic that she will finally get her interview.
He merely tells her that he’ll return those “things” to her eventually and that they will talk about the interview another time.
The right timing has finally arrived; the sun is midway, beginning its descent into the horizon.
“I love the sea,” Mattana starts; she remembers her first time at the beach. “I still feel the same way about it; I like to run into the water.”
“How old were you then?” KhetTawan asks.
“6 or 7. I don’t really remember, but my mom says that I love to talk about it,” she forgets her place, “hey I’m the one who needs to do the interviewing.”
He just smiles at her.
“When was the first time you saw the sea?” Mattana questions.
His voice is calm and relaxing, “In my tweens. I lived in Phuket with the Abbot for five years and I’ve never seen the sea.” He tells her that his group of four friends one day decided to sneak to the beach. A lifetime of friendship and betrayals.
“The beach was so far, no matter how far we walked, it didn’t seem like we would ever get there.” His sister Parn begs to go back to the temple, that she was starving.
“But I told myself that if I was willing to lose and return to the temple that day, I would never overcome the difficulties in my life.”
Mattana listens intently.
“And I would never see the beach with so much pride.”
Even at that age, he is wise beyond his years.
He tells her about his sister and how they grew up, “Among the four of us, only my sister and I have never seen the beach. Akachai grew up around the water. My other friend- let’s not talk about him. My mother is from Korat and we grew up in the city.”
The mention of his friend made him angry. He relieves his frustrations by walking to the balcony and looking out into the sea.
She limps towards him, the voice recorder in her hand. “When you saw the beach you must have been so happy that you cried.”
“I wasn’t happy,” he admits, “I was afraid. The sea is so wide and expansive. The sound it makes is terrifying. The tide, so spreading and vast, taking everything into its depth. It sits amidst the horizon and skies.”
“It makes me feel lonely,” he says. “The sea is endless. And I’m just so small and insignificant.”
“I can picture it. If I’ve never seen the sea before and if I heard your description, I wouldn’t dare go near it,” Mattana utters. “Why do you have a house on the beach then?”
“It’s a reminder- that when you chase your dreams, sometimes it doesn’t turn out the way that you’ve imagined it. And when you come to the end of the road, and you realize that the road is empty, it is meaningless.”
Mattana gets the chills. “I never imagined that a universal entity like the sea could be experienced so differently by everyone.”
She looks far away, “I love the sea, but you dislike it.”
“You’re misunderstanding, little girl,” KhetTawan says with a small smile.
She furrows her eyebrows in confusion.
He decides to take her to the beach to show her.
“I love the sea, especially during sunset. When I feel empty, the sunset and sea warms me, makes me feel fulfilled.”
“I’m glad you can feel that way,” she says.
He kneels down to be on eye level with her.
“Do you know, little girl, that the last glimpse of the sun setting offers a beautiful, picturesque moment frozen in time? It makes you notice the sand and water (when the sun is setting) and acknowledge how beautiful it is. I call this moment, tawan’s deception, because the sun (tawan) misleads how dangerous the dark sea is.”
How poetic. Even the sun is deceiving him.
“Even I am a writer, you make me shy to hear you speak,” Mattana states. “It sounds like its your name combined with one of your movies.”
“It’s a coincidence,” KhetTawan replies. “Do you want to stand over there and see it?”
He offers her his hand. She takes it and he walks her towards the low tide, with an arm around her waist. They walk barefoot on the beach and watch the sun setting beneath the horizon.
The time together and getting to know each other’s past creates an intimate moment and it slowly thaws the ice in his heart.
He didn’t think that he could feel this way about anyone again. He was most protective and loves his sister the most, being with Mattana reminds him that he can feel again. In the library, as he hands her novels to read, he decides to slip her bunny slippers on her feet to prevent her from the chilled floor. This poignant scene, coupled with Aum’s excellent acting, tears me up. He recalls putting on the slippers for his younger sister Parn, when she was alive, when she was beaten up and sad.
Mattana gazes at his actions and tears welled up in her eyes.
But now that their relationship and feelings moved exponentially, they must deal with his past. Mattana has learned snippets of his old “friend” whom seems to anger him every time he is reminded of the man.
KhetTawan retells his first time auditioning for a movie. He was angry that they wanted him to take his shirt off, but he needed to do it for money. Despite having to come out of his comfort zone, KhetTawan feels empowered that he is of value. Constantly in the entertainment industry, other snooty actors would make fun of him and chastise him for being poor. He has a hard time being in the limelight or enjoying the celebrity part of his fame.
“People who see me recognize me, but they don’t see the real me. They just see the man who is featured in magazines, commercials and movies.” This angers him and he gets up from his seat, “but that’s why I created a wall around me. Other people and you too, have added to it! You let me see you, not the reporter, so why can’t you see me as Khun Ponn? A normal person- not an actor that everyone follows- how come you can only expect that because I’m a leading man that I’m supposed to be good? I’m just a regular person like you! I have good elements and bad elements. I’m no hero.”
KhetTawan has to breathe to calm himself down.
Mattana is taken aback. “I’m sorry that I used to speak like that to you. I’m sorry for seeing you from my perspective and not considering your feelings.”
“It’s not entirely your fault,” he concedes.
“Then I’ll consider that we’ve made peace now then,” Mattana adds. They smile at each other, the brick wall that was between them, crumbling to the ground.
But Mattana could not help her feelings either. She used to fangirl over him, obsessed over him. Now that she finds herself in close quarters with him, the feelings that she had- her adoration for him- comes flooding back. Especially when she finally knows and understands that he is worthy of a follow. He was good looking on screen, but in person, he is even more charming.
KhetTawan’s change in mood lately has been noticed by everyone, the doctor and Khun Ak. Akachai even goes so far as to ask the doctor to tell KhetTawan that Mattana needs to stay a couple more days. Akachai couldn’t resist prolonging his friend’s happiness for a few extra days.
Ah, but good times can’t last forever. Reality strikes back. Chane Cross has been worrying about her. When KhetTawan finally gives Mattana her cellphone back, she gets a call from Mr. Cross.
He stubbornly tells her that he is waiting for her on the beach and doesn’t care how long he will have to wait, so she must come out to see him.
Uh oh. Such a buzz killer. A party pooper.
But the good bits of this episode also came in the form of Waree and Mee. Their parts of the story are slowly being introduced, teasing us profusely for their upcoming lakorns.
Both girls are parting ways to focus on their columns and projects. Waree is heading to Trat where she is trying to get an interview with the infamous Khun Smart, who is like the mafia in that area. So Waree reaches the town and a man is spying on her from his van.
As she is having lunch, a man approaches her, he’s handsome and inquisitive.
“Can I have a seat here?” he asks.
“There are plenty of empty seats,” she retorts with a mouthful, annoyed. She throws her bag on the chair across from her. He just merely tosses the bag to a different chair and takes a seat.
“People these days are so selfish, only thinking of themselves,” he taunts.
“Are you scolding me?” Waree asks him.
“I’m just saying,” he replies. He looks closely at her face, “I’m sorry have we met before?”
“Never,” Waree says. “Do you want to know why I’m rude? Because I always meet people like you!”
He laughs, touché.
“Are you sure we haven’t met before?” he questions again, having a ball teasing her.
“Of course not!” She turns to the server and tells her to add her tab to the gentlemen sitting across from her, heeh.
He just smiles as he watches her walk away. He gets on the phone and says, “She’ll do. But she doesn’t remember who I am.”
I’m totally shipping these two.
They meet again at the hotel elevator.
“You’re staying here as well,” the man says.
“I’m moving out soon,” she retorts with unfriendliness.
He just smiles. “Are you going out getting news?”
“How did you know what I do?!”
“I’ve seen the tv before and remember your face,” he peers at her with a teasing smile. He takes off his sunglasses, “I’ve been curious as to why reporters, when interviewing people, always like to shove their mic in the interviewee’s face,” he demonstrates with his sunglasses in Waree’s face. “Also, why do reporters dislike looking directly at the camera, are they camera shy?”
Frustrated, Waree exclaims, “And why do you care what the reporter’s face looks like?!”
“Well the person I’m looking for happens to be a reporter and so I must be observant,” he replies. “Think carefully miss, where have we before?”
She pretends to think. “I remember now.”
Her response makes him smile and he waits.
But Waree rams her elbow into his stomach and the elevator doors open.
He could only rub his stomach with a laugh. Hehehe. I’m totally getting a kick out of their interactions.
Waree is working on a report when she sees the annoying man again.
“How horrible,” she mutters and starts to pack up when he makes his way towards her.
“And we meet again,” he says.
“Not for long.”
“Are you leaving for BKK now?” he questions.
“Nope. Just changing hotels.” Heeh.
“Are you that annoyed with me?”
“Very much so.”
She starts to walk away, “but before you leave, I don’t even know your name yet,” he says.
“You can call me whatever you like-“ she spat with annoyance.
“Sarawaree,” he states.
She stops in her track and spins around, “How do you know my name?!”
“It’s not difficult. I just search it in the computer.”
“Do you know Khun Smart?” she questions.
“I do. Why? Did you come here to interview Khun Smart? I must tell you, he doesn’t allow anyone to interview him.”
“Well that’s his business, not yours. Do you know where I can meet him?” she decides to test her luck.
“What do I get in exchange?”
“If you’re not going to say it, then don’t,” she admonishes.
He smiles at how easily she gets riled up. “In the next couple of days, there is a big party that everyone will attend on this island, even Khun Smart.”
“I already know that- since the party will be at my friend, Khun Chitsee’s house,” hehe. It’s like she’s saying, tell me something that I don’t know. LOL.
The following evening she checks out of the hotel. He’s there again, watching her.
“I feel so badly,” he says. “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”
“Ah, so you want to make it up to me,” she says, and turns to the receptionist. “Can I have my credit card back? This man wants to pay for me,” heheheh.
He just smiles widely at her. “You’re really something.”
“Can’t be helped,” she walks up to him and pats him on the shoulders, “thank you.”
“We’ll see you at the party,” he says.
As she walks away she hears the receptionist making a slip, “so this will go on Khun Smart’s account?”
Waree immediately turns around but the man was gone.
As for Mee’s encounters with Mr. Police Officer. So the cop stops by her work and sees her boss. He feels horrible for misunderstanding Mee (the reporter) as a tranny. He wants to apologize face to face. But turns out she’s not in the office. He reminds the boss about the charity fashion show that is coming up. Mee will be there as well.
The next time they meet, she was picking up her mom and nephew when a young girl stumbles into her. Her protective instincts flare when the girl says that a man is trying to sell her off. A man runs towards them and the girl looks frightened. Mee immediately protects her.
“Don’t come any closer!” she tells the man, “or I’ll call the cops!”
He comes closer, trying to get to the girl, but the girl takes off and he has to fend off the woman. He finally apprehends her by placing her hands behind her back.
“Shut up and stay still!” he mutters. “I’m a cop and currently working on a case.”
“Hah, if you’re a cop then I’m a politician!” she exclaims.
They banter until his cop crew appear and he releases her. She watches on, perplexed. This will be the second time she tries to hurt a cop, not to mention inconvenience him.
“This is our insider?” one of the cop questions, they all look at her.
“No, she’s a politician and she takes her job seriously,” lol Boy Pakorn you’re so cute.
“So you’re a real cop?” Mee asks again, she’s looking regretful.
“Want to see my ID?” he asks.
“I’m really sorry, but the girl was so afraid-“ she tries to explain.
“Yeah, afraid she’d get caught. Do you know how much drugs are in her bag?”
“I just noticed that she’s a pitiful girl-“
“Well from the outside. Next time you want to play a politician, take a good look around you.”
“I already apologized.. and you don’t look like a real cop.”
“As if you know what a real cop looks like.”
“I know better than you’d ever know,” she says. “I apologize again for getting in your way.”
“Just be careful next time,” he tells her. “If you get yourself involved with other people’s cases, you’ll only end up hurting yourself.”
“Can I go now? I have to pick up my mom and nephew from the train station.”
Before she leaves her tells her to wait. “Have we met before?”
“No,” she shakes her head.
“But must be it..” his voice trails off, but still have an inkling that she looks somehow familiar..
The two musketeers wonder where their third girl is, has she gotten married and is expecting a child? (Hah, Waree wonders, because she is nowhere to be found.) Little did they know that Mattana too is getting lost in her own love story.