Hello? Am I still alive? I think I might be dead.

This show is killing me, you guuys, and it’s not even done yet. I don’t know if I’ll have anything left to feel once they are through with me.

Each episodes this weekend takes us incrementally closer and closer to the relevation about Phee’s identity and status, a man of contradictions. He can singlehandedly oppose and fight an army of men, but cannot face the truth with his little lady, Piangkwan. If you’ve been following this series, or my blog entries about Khun Chai Ronnapee, you’d know that the deception started on a simple basis, but now has grown into one of the biggest conflict that will inevitably tear the two apart.

Chai Phee’s character weakness is fear. His first fear is telling Piangkwan that he loves her, because he’s never truly loved another that way before, and things like that take time to come to terms with. But now, his fear has morphed into something so much bigger, because after confessing his love, and having her within arms reach, he may now just lose her entirely.

But as JRR Tolkien once wrote, a man who flies from his fear may find that he has only taken a short cut to meet it.

Meeting that inevitable truth is so much harder to watch because we have seen how much he loves her, how much he wants to protect her and will go to the ends of the earth to save her. For instance the scene where the local mob kidnaps Piangkwan to threaten her mom, Chai Phee does not back down even after he got shot. He saves her, hugs her close and tells her that it is his duty to protect his woman.

Yet he’s insecure about her feelings. All this time he has been the person to profess his love, to save her and prove to her that love is a beautiful and worthy thing. Sometimes doing it all one sided can be grating, because the insecurities and jealousies tend to follow. Like the purpose of Khun Art’s secret brother conflict, that is really used to make Chai Phee jealous. So our guy turns away from Piangkwan for a bit to brood and mope. You know, work things out in his confused mind. So he talks to his P’Chai Ruj, the smooth brother, who’s sweetness with his wife only serves to make Chai Phee feel much longing. The older man advises his brother to be brave and confident. Something easier said than done.

Chai Phee finds his way back to Piangkwan and discovers that she’s taken by the Sia Peng again. He singlehandedly take on Sia Peng’s men and saves his damsel in distress. They’ve gone through so much together, and Piangkwan is growing to trust and love him unequivocally too, that I simply held my breath when the big reveal does happen. Chai Phee plans on bringing Piangkwan to the castle and introducing her to his grannies and essentially, tell her who he really is. But even the best intentions can fall by the wayside- because Vilairumpa has beaten him to the punch.

She contrives for Piangkwan to dance at Juthathep’s castle for Grandma Eait’s birthday celebration. So if you can imagine, the five gentlemen and their ladies are seated at the front, with the two grannies in the center. In comes Piangkwan, dressed in her traditional costume, where she smiles beautifully to everyone. She catches a familiar face at the end of the row, her Khun Phee, among the aristocrats. Confusion, disappointment, and betrayal crosses her mind, and the tears well up in her eyes. But she is a professional so she dances and smiles as the tears threaten to fall. Chai Phee realizes what this means as he is caught, and he is momentarily stunned with inaction and gentlemanly upbringing (even though he wants to run to her and explain.) His eyes well up too and he doesn’t know what to do. What makes it worst, at the end of the dance, she is to kneel on the floor and accept the gifts from each patrons, further showing the significant status differences between them. Shoot. Me. Now.

Mortifying, degrading, and so incredily sad. The deliver of this scene has blown me away.

When Piangkwan reaches the end of the line, and she and Chai Phee are face to face, Phee kneels down with her so they could be at the same eye level. But his grandma hisses at his behavior and he reluctantly sits back on his chair, his eyes never leaving hers. Tears roll down her eyes as she speaks formally to him. But the most devastating part for him, is that she returned the ring he had given to her- a ring that had nothing to do with his status. Clearly rejecting his love.

Later he waits for her outside of her changing room, hoping to explain. But everything he says comes out as excuses to Piangkwan’s ears. The damage is done, Piangkwan tells him that she is not someone to be toyed with, she has a heart and mind too. She surmises that Chai Phee withheld his status from her because it would be easier on him to disappear should he become bored with her.

I was sad to see Piangkwan having to be a professional and take the condescencion. But my heart literally breaks to see Chai Phee’s nightmare come true, that his biggest fear has been realized, and to see a little bit of him dying inside. And it makes me angry to see his beloved Grandma Orn not caring or seemingly not wanting to see that she’s killing her own grandson. At least Grandma Eait doesn’t seem pleased that things are going down the way that they had. She simply thanked them for the present (the dance) because it means they are closer to sealing that damn promise. So it makes me somewhat mullified that his brothers are noticing how it’s affecting Chai Phee. I’m a bit peeved at Chai Pat though, after having his happily ever after, he can’t help a bro out? And he even regrets ever helping Chai Phee lie? I suppose in my sibling world, you fight for them first then deal with them later.

I just want to scream from the unfairness of it all. Our boy comes from a big family, is seemingly the most loved and spoiled, yet he is so alone (yes we are back to that sentiment.) And because he’s the last chance of adhering to his father’s vows, he has to be held responsible to marrying that witch. He happens to fall in love with a poor, prideful girl with heavy baggage, and no matter how much he puts his neck out to save her, he gets short shafted. But you know what? Despite his shortsighted flaws, he ultimately isn’t afraid to do what he feels is right (even if he’s going completely rogue.) So what he needs and deserves (the most) right now is love and support, preferably from his bros. Please hurry and help your youngest, Khunchais!

And I know there’s more angst in store for us (well at least for me anyway.) He’s going to try to make it right with her, it’s the only thing left to do. But our stubborn girl is going to put him through the ringer until his proverbial last breath. Not to mention the witchy Rumpa and his insufferable grannies.

Oh show, you are so bad for me. You will be the death of me, but you know I love you right? And there better be light at the end of the tunnel- a conclusion so sweet that I will want to die a sweet death.